I am supposed to be writting another art paper right now but my thoughts are clouding my mind so I am taking a break to write them down. We lost both our games today, we played with no heart and it was frustrating. Coach gave everyone a chance to talk to the team between games, I was the only one who said much. I just get so frustrated with them, it seems like no one cares, this is hard for me to take right now. Honestly I struggle to find the desire to go out and play everyday but once I step on the field I am going to give it all I have, sure I have a lot of other things on my mind but sometimes it is nice to have a distraction. I told them to stop bickering about stupid little things and getting at each other over nothing. I got to the point where I was said go to a funeral for a twelve day old baby and then tell me about your pain and little problems, they just aren't worth all of our energy, their are bigger things in life. Our student assissant kept kinda laughing under her breath every time I talked, when we were all done I asked her why. She said because I am the goofiest kid ever, but I have heart, I have pride. I HATE this. I hate when people label me just because I am a little hyperactive, I can't help it, it is me, but don't make stupid assumptions based on it. Of course I have heart, I am very passionate about a lot of things in life but because people jump to conclusions they only see their own created version of me not the real me. I know all I have been doing the last couple of days is venting but I need to, I am messed up and sad inside and it is killing me keeping it in. Everyday I get up and paint a smile on my face and I go through my day answering "how are you's" with fine, laughing when I don't feel like it, and making other people happy. It's getting to be a rough role to play but at least I have a few people here, friends and teachers, who will take me as me and listen to the good and the bad, I love that. I am working each day to become more me and play less the role other people want me to be, but I know it will take some time to get back to normal.