Right now my life just feels so overwhelming. Like I am barely holding my head above the surface and am struggling to get air with each new wave that comes through. I feel lost and hurt and am finding it hard to know where to turn, I just can't keep up. I have so much going on, I play a double header everynight seven days a week. I miss more classes than I can count in order to catch my buses. I leave campus before noon everyday and don't get back until 8 or 9 at night. What I am missing I don't have the time to make up, by the time I get back after a game all the professors are gone. I have tons of homework and a end of term paper to write for every class I am in, yet I struggle to find much free time to do them in. I am sick and I am sad and as a result of this I find myself getting less and less sleep every night, I don't know how much more I can take. It seems like with each new day I have something more piled onto my plate, even though it is already full. I hurt and I feel guilty about it. I don't always feel like I deserve to miss Sawyer as much as I do feel as sad as I do. I know this is a dumb way to feel but right now I am just too overwhelmed and confused. Why do I have a right to mourn? He wasn't my son, my grandson, my nephew, but he was my family and I loved him. I guess I just didn't realize you could miss someone so much after knowing them for so little, still my heart aches for him. My days aren't bad most of the time I enjoy them and actually they are getting better but I face them with a heavy heart that is getting harder to carry around each day.
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, becauses God has poured out his love into our hearts byt the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5